It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
