I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
