dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
