Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
