if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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