I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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