I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.