I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.