I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
