Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
