I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
