you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
