if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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