Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
