from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You're earring is so big in my mouth
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
