Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
