I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I could make wine with my vomit
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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