I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
