This girl is more easily done than said...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
