not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
