Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
