thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize