Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
