In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
