At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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