what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
