Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I need to sanitize my soul.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
