If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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