well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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