He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
