Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
