whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
