she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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