I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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