She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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