It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
