fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
