I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
