i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
