Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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