no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
