please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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