i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
