I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I skipped work to stalk him.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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