can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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