Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
