Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I touched a dick in church today
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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