Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
me + whiskey = a bad person
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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