ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
