But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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