Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
