I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Panties = found
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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