So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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