My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
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i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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