I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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