Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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