he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
