I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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