totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
