Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
