oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
