remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he puts the penis in happiness.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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