So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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