so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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