I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wish there were birth control emojis
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
