This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
