he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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