Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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