woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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