hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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