My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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