I love black thongs
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
