I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
